iPhones, large animals, and why I might hate you
I can’t decide whether I have iPhone envy or am just so sick of hearing about them so often that if the “what I hear” part of my brain were a tag cloud, “iPhone” would be THE BIGGEST (I’d like to note that right now, Monday, December 14 at 12:45 a.m., is when I’ve officially started thinking in Internet).
This might just be at Mizzou, a quaint Midwestern college where seemingly everyone and their drug, sorry, adderall dealer has an iPhone. This is not a joke, people. If I’m in a classroom with 30 people and ask everyone to take out their cell phone, 15 will take out an iPhone. In a journalism class, that number increases to 28 out of 30.
I get it. You have an iPhone. Which are cool. Therefore, by the transitive property app (yes, there’s an app for that), you are uber-cool (and hip, cutting-edge, tech savvy, going to Heaven, etc). You have conversations with random people on the bus about the coolest app that measures your BAC. The professor asks a question in class, and you whip out your iPhone in it’s bedazzled pink case to furiously find the answer. If a moose farts in Canada, you know.
All of this pent-up iPhone hatred built up for years. If I wanted my parents to keep paying for most of my cell phone bill, I had to stay with Sprint (thanks for nothing, 3M). FINALLY, Sprint came out with the Palm Pre. I saved up money in my piggy bank, proudly marched into the Sprint Store when the Pre was released (by proudly marched I mean camped outside like the desperate tech-geek I am), and purchased my smartphone. Now I would know when a moose farts in Canada too, iPhone pricks. Eat your hearts out.
Guess what. A few months later, I STILL hate hearing about the iPhone every. single. freaking. day. It’s like an instruction in the iPhone manual is, “you must loudly talk about this product in a very populated location at least once per day, or you will no longer get moose fart notifications” (done with the moose farts, promise).
Don’t get me wrong, the Pre is pretty awesome. As are the Droid, and some of the Blackberry line. I’d love them all, but they just don’t exude coolness like an iPhone.
That’s why iPhone wins.
This smartphone competition isn’t about technology. It’s about brand positioning- and Apple is positioned as the premier moose fart notifier (I lied. “Moose fart” is really fun to type).
Am I being to cynical in this? Are you a non-iPhone, annoyed by these iPhone pricks thinking they’re better than us? Are you an iPhone, reading this post thinking, “omfg, I need to download the moose fart app!!!”?
photo credit: torres21
